The trip has begun!
On Tuesday, Haein flew to Chennai to be with her family and I flew to Lima, Peru to ... To do what exactly?
After two weeks of intense stress around closing the studio and preparing for the depart, i am now on un unknown continent, with no knowledge of the language nor culture, alone.
Nothing to do, nowhere to go. That was the deal right ? But why ? During the night between Tuesday to Wednesday, US Election night and lament day, I was stuck in Bogotá's airport. Having the privilege to read all the editorials in real time. Then interacting with some friends through FB. Definitely not sleeping. I felt surprisingly relaxed in this airport. As if all the stress that I had accumulated has been washed out by the flight over the Atlantic. And no flight delays and cancellations (I had a couple of both), no Trump president could alter my sleepless relaxed, content state. To the point I wonder about my health.
The first morning in Lima, I meet Sergio, a guy from Barcelona traveling on his own for 3 weeks. And I decide that it would be good for me to join him. Before that, I thought I would head up to the mountain, find a quite spot and learn Spanish then decided it was better to do the tourist instead for a couple of weeks, seeing the 'highlights' of the country then to head up for the beach and do some surfing. I was not quite myself those last few weeks.
Sergio and I decided that our first stop needed to be Ica in order to see an oasis in the desert. That Oasis is some sort of tourist town where the main attraction is to go on a ride in a vehicle looking like it came directly from the last Mad Max movie, with the driver only interest is to make us jump on our hard seat by taking as many bumps as he could find. Why the fuck were we there ? I have absolutely no idea. To me, the most interesting thing was that I was relax. My usual reaction to this type of environment is to feel trap and panic. Here no, I spent 4 hours by a swimming pool to ride a desert monster truck and then 3 more hours by the same pool to wait for my night bus that would drive me to my next attraction patiently. Am I relaxed or totally out of my mind (and body)? I am not yet sure.
Today I arrived in Arequipa, second largest city in Peru. And as I walk along the streets, it hits me: I don't want to continue on this tour. I certainly don't want to wake tomorrow at 5am to hop on a bus to go to a place to do a trek that I should not miss before hopping on another bus etc. I remember now: I hate traveling, I hate the hell out of it ! And I don't care one bit for Peru highlights.
Feels good to recognize me. Where was I ?
Fear took me in Brussels. My body got all kinds of sick, I panicked and I lost my mind. I know I panicked because I saw myself suddenly running to buy expensive material for the trip and worrying about having enough (enough material and money to buy it and a bag to carry it). That is one of the way I externalize stress. Now I have a freaking big backpack full of stuffs I don't dare to name. Ok. What now? Speak to Sergio, take a last bus to a last place and find myself some quite spot. As I am writing this, I feel so much compassion for this confused aspect of myself, for this fear I can guess hiding at the heart of it.
Ok this is confused fear and fatigue, let me embrace that as well as I can. Now.
Love and light,